You can watch our latest video here....
Or skip it if you already watched me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off about how I need to MOVE everything. It's all moved by the way. ;-)
How far have we gotten? As far as God wants us to get. If you remember, you heard me say at the end of the video I only wanted the house if it was God's will. I didn't want any of it if it wasn't His will. I stand by that. Still today... Even after yesterday.
Yesterday we got a call from the lender asking us to come to the office for a conference call as soon as we could. Our appraisal came in and they needed to talk. I've been alive long enough to know that if you ask someone to come to the office... it's not good news. So we stopped and prayed... We prayed for God's will, a clear sign and knowing lenders and wanting to get the deal closed... we added.. that if there was a way that added any monthly expenses to the deal.. we would take it as a sign it wasn't meant to be. Then drove over.
8 minutes later we are sitting in front of the lender and were conferencing with the person in charge of our loan. She is telling us that the value of the land came in 52,000 less then what it was once appraised for in 2008!!
My mind literally stopped! How could that be? I could see several thousand less... but 52,000 is a lot of money!!! Our property dropped in value well over 1/3 of its value.. in under 6 years!
It also meant that we would need to come to the table with 25,000 if we wanted to move forward.
Money we didn't have.
There was a way we could swing it if we wanted to get mortgage insurance and pay an extra 100.00 a month..... But remember our prayer???
Then we started crunching numbers.. the final numbers of what we owed on our first and what we were actually going to have done.. and we came to the final look that if we wanted to do this the only way we could... was not to have the garage built... and a few other minor details... and we would still have to come up with 10,000.
Again, Money we don't have... and a clear answer to the prayer we just prayed moments before.
I sat in the office.. You could tell they were feeling horrible and I felt so bad for them. To have to tell us what they thought was bad news... and dash our hopes and dreams...
But my hopes are in God. And my dreams are to live the life that he wants for us. Not to live the life I want and think I deserve.
Lord, I meant it when I said I only wanted to live the life you want for me!!!!
And I leaned over the phone and told the lady it was OK. I believe in God and His plan and if there is a way... then He will find it. But for now, I am totally fine with the info.
Totally sad that our property has decreased that much in such a short time.. But, I know the economy of the world today... It's not as pretty and rosy as they are all letting on it is!
Hubby and I head home. There is a slight silence in the car... (those that know me are laughing... but really there was). And hubby looks at me and says he is sorry. My heart fell... because I know he is not saying he is sorry for not getting the house. I know he is saying he is sorry for other things. And I want to reach over and hug him.
With permission from him I am allowed to share this:
Growing up, I was taught by my parents 'cash on the barrel' I was given an allowance for everything. I wasn't one of those kids that got to go shopping every weekend with her mother for clothes. I was given a small amount each month to use on clothing as I chose to. It was never enough, and I scrapped by on cheap clothes that while clothed me... never got me asked out or invited anywhere. And to be honest... most of the time I looked down right hideous!
I would like to stop for a moment and just say.... I blame the 80's. It was not good to us girls!
I can remember asking my father for something and him asking me... "How's it feel to want?" No matter how I answered he had an answer for everyway... If I said good.. It was "well I wouldn't want to spoil that" If it was bad... "Well start finding a way to earn the money and save for it."
He taught me to save!!!! It was a lesson at the time I hated!!!
The only time he 'helped' me was when I wanted my first car. I can remember the search for the car. I needed a loan... I was sitting down at the dinning room table getting the lecture of all lectures... The speech that led to them shortly later co-signing on the loan for me to get the car. They wanted to help me build my credit.. and this was there way. If I missed one payment they would own and sell my car. And since they clearly had followed through on everything else they had said in my entire life... I was in fear of missing even one payment. So much so, I was always paying 2 payments ahead.... Just in case something happened I would have a month to get a new job and earn enough to make the now, tiny car payment.
He taught me finances!!! I paid that loan off early. Because they taught me that having debt wasn't the in thing to do.. That working hard and paying everything off so you didn't have to pay interest on anything was the proper thing in life.....
My husband, I have recently learned, was taught this about finances and money......
His words - The bills were paid. There was always food on the table. We knew we weren't well off and if we wanted something we had to use our money. But we were never taught how to save or handle money to benefit us for the future.
To which I tilted my head, much like a dog tilts there head and starred at him with the look of 'how is that even possible?' And then I asked.... "You mean to tell me you never experienced the joy of saving for something for MONTHS and MONTHS and the feeling of elation the moment you went to finally buy it?"
To which I got the blank stare. But more like the "Crazy woman what ARE you talking about kind of stare!" Which answers the question I have always had of when I would say... Oh I want to save for that.. and he would buy it right off for me.... BUT I WANTED TO SAVE FOR IT!!!!!! :-(
And this is how it has effected us.... I like saving.
Wait.... I LOVE SAVING!!!!
I also love empty shelves but I am learning to not live with that.
My man on the other hand wasn't taught the consequences of saving for the future. Or why you should when you have the money now to make the payment. And while we had been doing awesome for all these years.. and even saving money... When we moved up here, running a homestead takes more money to get it off the ground.. then one would think.
A lot more money!
And I take the blame for wanting this parcel of land that we purchased. I can see now how actually moving on to a property that actually had a house on it... and buildings that needed fixing would have been the way to go.
A little late... I know.
So, here we are... very little savings and not enough to pay what they want us to pay. A tiny house loan on our property that we are now working on paying off quickly... to once again be debt free.
We came home to work on the bee's... only to discover our last hive died... Never once did we exclaim 'why us God?" That's not for us to ask.
Instead we praised Him. For through this all He is showing us what He wants from us. We worked side by side yesterday cleaning and painting old hives, in prayer and talking.
God is clearly saying wait. We don't believe He is saying No.. at this time. As for now, we will save the money and slowly do one thing at a time that needed to be done on this land to get it ready for the house... On our own. Paying for it as we go.
We won't have a huge kitchen to can the veggies in... for now.
We won't have a large library to display all our books... for now.
We won't have a workout room... for now.
We won't have a guest room for friends to stay in... for now.
We won't have another dog.. for now.
We won't have ....... A large monthly payment to worry about.
We will have God's love and favor and blessing. And each other!! And those alone are worth more then any house large enough to walk in without bumping butts with the other.
Then in the evening as we were cleaning up I was adding up the figures in my head and stuff that we were doing and weren't doing and it hit me.... We haven't looked at all the alternatives.... There is a way out there.. but we haven't been shown the main door...
So for now... we are waiting.
And really, I am perfectly fine with it all.....
I would like to show you houses that are ready for our resident's to move in to next week.....
We are expecting 3 bee hives to move in... and their boxes are ready.... I call it "Bear Camo". In reality the base color was the color of our cottage.. personally it reminded me of the color of a babies first poop. So I labeled the unlabeled can of paint...
We were using the paint color because really.. its just bee hives... but hubby turned his back on me for a moment and out came the other paint colors I had gotten from Lowe's when they had the 'free paint sample' coupons in the magazines! (Thank you to those that are reading this that had sent me some!!!) I grabbed a few colors and a brush and started painting....
You should have seen the look on my father-in-laws face when he came over and asked me "What the heck are you doing?" and I exclaimed....
"I call if Bear Camo!!! I'm bear proofing the hives!!!"
Hehehehehe LOL ROFL!!!!
Oh come on.. it's funny!!!!!!
As for now.... Since all the bee's are dead... I will be out clearing the land in the area they need to go. So much to do.... I wouldn't have time to be in a large house with my feet up!!!
God is awesome!!!